May 2009

Once upon a time to paraphrase a well known song, “love and marriage went together like a horse and carriage, and we couldn’t have one without the other.” Today is a new day: this is no longer the age of all or nothing, but rather a smorgasbord of choices and possibilities exist for women and men with regard to their romantic relationships; one of those choices being to postpone the decision to marry until one is older [and perhaps wiser]. It is not unusual for individuals to choose to focus first on establishing their careers, seeking to be better situated financially and/or educationally before ‘taking the plunge.’ We live in a time when marriage is no longer the sole socially acceptable avenue available to couples: they are living together, there are same sex unions, and divorce is more readily available and sanctioned in many cultures. For some who have been married and now find themselves alone by virtue of divorce or after being widowed, the thought of trying again may be more than they can bear to undertake; for others, the idea of being without a mate, for any length of time is simply not part of their life plan. In both cases, we have a snapshot of an institution that is shifting, that is being affected and molded by changing societal norms. If I had to highlight one word that encapsulates this movement, it would perhaps be ‘options’ – this is a reflection of the power/right to choose what impassions us, opens up possibilities, fulfills us and creates a sense of life’s abundance for us and within us. As someone who has never been married, I cannot help but imagine for a moment what would invite me to enter into the sanctity of marriage at this time of my life…the following words of Rainer Maria Rilke resonated with me and maybe they will with you also: “Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and border and salute each other.” This mutual sharing of self and of life’s journey is worth holding out for and once found, is worth holding on to.