June 2007

“Nothing is Happenstance”

Your father is despondent because he has discovered that you’re not his biological child, yet to you, he is Dad. What an oxymoron, he taught you how to ride your bike, took you camping, and helped with nightly homework. He is Dad! Consequently, you’re questioning God, “Why couldn’t he be my biological father?” “Why did you allow this to happen?” What a ball of confusion!!  

The perplexities of life are opportunities for the Holy Spirit to whisper words of wisdom to craft our identities beyond the ball of confusion of kinship. Family dynamics are often colored when kinship is in question. The complexities of kinship deal with the core of who we are. Who am I?Where did I originate? Who is my “real” family? Mothers may not be able to answer these questions. Their suffering usually takes place solemnly in solidarity.  You are then forced to face the possibility that you may never have the answers to your questions. 

My advice is to learn to embrace the adage that says “nothing is happenstance!” If you are given the privilege to engage someone who has been good to you in a certain time and space, it is by God’s designed. Life connections happen when God, the great designer of the universe, is in the process of framing our identities. Though it may be hard to accept, it is true nonetheless. This man you have called father has helped to formulate who you are. Remember the things of old, good and bad. Bad examples can be good for reframing life’s choices. He has helped develop your character. Hold on to the good things that he has instilled. Quietly listen to his words of wisdom that are stored within you. Both of you are hurting. He needs time, as you do. He may feel betrayed and you do as well. It takes time to work this all out. And you may not be able to do it on your own. A family therapist can jump start the process of healing. 

I am praying that all who find themselves bewildered over kinship will embrace God as your father. No one is fatherless. God provided you with the breath of life and sustains you daily. He is crafting your identity for greatness. 

Peace and Blessings,

Chap